at every occasion i'll be ready for a funeral. let's do something about this.

maybe. i don't know. it's hard to say what we feel ..and to say that what we feel is the same as what someone else feels.
there's too much pressure everywhere. everything is getting worse. and people are taking the pressure and feeding on it. instead of ignoring it, and breaking it away softly and calmly. we are strong enough. we just don't know it. but i want everyone to know it. i want someone to tell me i'm strong enough. and i want to tell everyone that they're strong enough to go a different way. a better way.
how can people be so mean, and so heartless. it's like we've forgotten to feel before we act.
no one sees anymore that what they do usually always affects someone, and that someone goes and does something to another person, and that person does something to the next, and it comes back and everyone is in a bad mood. it's a vicious circle. this world is becoming ruder, louder, more competitive, violent, and horrible. and it's all our own faults. responding to it in a negative way only adds to the problem. things like 'violence is not the answer' and 'all you need is love' aren't just said for show. they are said because it's true. i have observed people all my life, and their actions have finally lead me to this sad realization. when i say people, i mean me too. but at least i admit it. and atleast i don't try to deny it. but i don't try to fight it either. and i think it's about time we should try to fight it. i mean in a positive way. someone needs to be strong. being emotionally strong is not using all your anger towards something. being emotionally strong is being the bigger person, being so above it all, that you use all that's in your heart in every day, even if in the end you don't get anything back at all at the instant.
being emotionally strong is being patient, because even when you don't get anything back at the moment, you will eventually.
being emotionally strong is being willing, to try new things that you would never try, because you might just see that there's so much more that you never knew, and so much that we need to try and overcome so we can help ourselves and everyone else

these words might seem exaggerated, they might seem hilarious, like something you read straight out of a weird book, or some doctor phil thing, and it might seem like something you don't want to believe. it might seem like something you want to easily ignore and something that wouldn't apply to you. but of course it applies to you. it applies to everyone.
this world is crumbling down, because we have lost how to feel, because we're too weak in a way that we're too scared to be ourselves or to be different if doesn't look 'cool' we're all scared of being made fun of
all of this is a sad truth. but what's even more sad is that when it comes down to it, most of us are too scared to admit it

these words could be meaningless to you because you have not experienced what i have. But believe me you will. and when you do, you'll wish you would have tried to do something sooner.
the littlest thing can always help. the littlest thing always makes a difference

we're all lost. so let's be lost together. and maybe we can find our way home.

maybe i just miss that,.. or maybe we all miss that.

i miss the days when people used to be humble. so what happened there? my fault. your fault. our own faults. i'll admit it, but if you keep denying it, nothing will ever get better... and i'm sick of acting 'humble' when everyone else shows that they are overly confident. even when they aren't. and i'm really tired. of seeming like i'm not taking myself seriously enough.. but im just letting things be. not criticizing your every word. and not being overly excited. maybe i come off as boring. but maybe its for your advantage. maybe i'm just being nice. maybe i'm being too nice.

or maybe those days never existed.
existing or not, either way i would like to steer my way back there. even if "there" is just a 'figment of my imagination' or pigment like i used to say. i just am reluctant to believe that overconfidence is secretly attractive to us human beings, i want to deny that that's what we all want to aim for.
i want to deny it, but somehow the truth of the whole thing is splurging out like a roll of belly fat from some worn out blue jeans right in front of the mirror.

so how can i change it. when can i change it. i'm ready world but i can't fight you
just no more messing around. no more weakness. no more getting sucked in. i'm not that. i'm honest and i'm me. and even though i don't know who me is , i know me enough to know that i'm not you, so i won't give in to your lies
even if it means i'll have days where i would like to drown in my own sorrow like french fries soaked up in ketchup
even if it means that only i know that what i'm crying for is something greater than me.
i'll have to take them, it's a part of it. but i can't lose focus.
it's time to make it happen. we know the drill. let's just get something started
let's start taking ourselves a little more serious.
let's start taking ourselves a little less serious.

we're overdoing it. we're over-thinking it. let's just relax and let it be
without getting lazy. it's possible. it's completely possible. it's not that hard. it's easier than we know

i need to get on a diet.
NOW
STARTING NOW BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE
i need it really really bad.

I really can't gain anymore. And it won't be hard. i eat a lot of times things i don't even want to eat. I just can't have any snacks. I have to limit myself to not eat seconds.
I don't need it. Just drink a lot of water and fruits.

I'm going to start. Tomorrow. THIS IS FOR REALS!!!!!!!!!! AND IF I DON"T I SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED AND LOOK BACK AT THIS. and GET WITH THE PROGRAM

Seriously, i can't let myself get lazy. I have to do something about it. IT isn't good.
I need to get back to how i was. I need to get back to the startttttt physically. not

the indescribable is the most beautiful

some things aren't meant to be explained
some things can't be explained

like art. that's why i could never work in an art museum. even though i probably would be good at it, it would go against my view. and that's not what i'm about. i can't share facts about art , because facts and art don't mix
it ruins the beauty. The beauty of art, is why it exists. And the beauty is that you can think whatever you want to think about any piece you wish to think about, and the possibilities are endless. It let's you dream a little.

blue monday

I don't know why i feel this about you. I don't know how i can. It's crazy to feel something so out of the blue, out of the nowhere, out of the cloudy confused sky out from deep in. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I've just been here for too long, maybe i just need some love. But why him? out of all people
I never felt anything towards him from the beginning. Why would this weird feeling hit me at such an unpredictable time. Maybe it does mean something.
I've always known who i would fall in love with or like; maybe because i've made myself fall in love. With the person who i wanted to see. So it was predictable. I made him up in my head, I dreamed him. And i kept grasping on to the notion that it was him who i was falling in love with in real life.

And maybe it's no different here. But if it's no different why does it feel different. Why can't i stop it?
I need to try and stop it. Try to test it. If i only could talk to you.. only find a way to try and spend time with you
BUt im shy. I wish i weren't. i wish i could find the exact words to say something to you
Maybe you're shy too. Maybe you're scared to say something to me too.
WHY AM I SHY THOUGH???????????????? gahhasljf this is frustrating me. especially because i'm not supposed to be this shy anymore. i'm supposed to be over that a long time ago.
in fact i was probably supposed to be over all this a long long time ago.
I guess i'm still a kid. And i'm thankful for it. But sometime i wish i could cut some of these parts out.
Even though this feeling (whatever it is) feels really nice and warm and everything i want to feel, it's going to pop soon
whether i like it or not. either that or drift away.. But i'd rather have it end in a pop
and the pop will probably be me realizing that he definately did not deserve close to any of all those daydreams or real dreams i had of him
or with me realizing that he is actually quite cute, but that we'll never be more than friends
I need the pop to happen soon though, because i Feel i'm wasting away time in a very sillly way
thinking about someone who probably isn't thinking about me
I don't really know what i want now. That's part of the problem.

Maybe i just want to get to know you.
There are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how.

do you realize, we're floating in space

i don't know what this is
it feels like a familiar feeling. a comfortable one.
but maybe it's dangerous and i can't sense it yet
but right now it feels fine, and feels like i've been in this pit before
ive been here before
it never really ends well, but its nice while it lasts
i dont know

we really never know anything for certain
only of what we feel in the moment
and that's the only time when we're truly living

so why should i ruin it with thinking.
why should i think about it. i'll just let it be. and let it out when i have the opportunity
when the time's right

but in the meantime almost the only thing on my mind is him
i want to expresss all of this music all the butterflies all the expanding happy stomache sinking feeling with him
i want him to know, without words

what a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you

graaaaaaaalj; it's so unexpected. i never thought i would feel this for someone like this
im scared that what i saw in him, was someone else.
and if it wasn't, then i want to get to know him more
pleaseeeeeeeeee i really need to

are you not the slightest bit confused, just the truth