blue monday

I don't know why i feel this about you. I don't know how i can. It's crazy to feel something so out of the blue, out of the nowhere, out of the cloudy confused sky out from deep in. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I've just been here for too long, maybe i just need some love. But why him? out of all people
I never felt anything towards him from the beginning. Why would this weird feeling hit me at such an unpredictable time. Maybe it does mean something.
I've always known who i would fall in love with or like; maybe because i've made myself fall in love. With the person who i wanted to see. So it was predictable. I made him up in my head, I dreamed him. And i kept grasping on to the notion that it was him who i was falling in love with in real life.

And maybe it's no different here. But if it's no different why does it feel different. Why can't i stop it?
I need to try and stop it. Try to test it. If i only could talk to you.. only find a way to try and spend time with you
BUt im shy. I wish i weren't. i wish i could find the exact words to say something to you
Maybe you're shy too. Maybe you're scared to say something to me too.
WHY AM I SHY THOUGH???????????????? gahhasljf this is frustrating me. especially because i'm not supposed to be this shy anymore. i'm supposed to be over that a long time ago.
in fact i was probably supposed to be over all this a long long time ago.
I guess i'm still a kid. And i'm thankful for it. But sometime i wish i could cut some of these parts out.
Even though this feeling (whatever it is) feels really nice and warm and everything i want to feel, it's going to pop soon
whether i like it or not. either that or drift away.. But i'd rather have it end in a pop
and the pop will probably be me realizing that he definately did not deserve close to any of all those daydreams or real dreams i had of him
or with me realizing that he is actually quite cute, but that we'll never be more than friends
I need the pop to happen soon though, because i Feel i'm wasting away time in a very sillly way
thinking about someone who probably isn't thinking about me
I don't really know what i want now. That's part of the problem.

Maybe i just want to get to know you.
There are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how.