i need to get on a diet.
NOW
STARTING NOW BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE
i need it really really bad.

I really can't gain anymore. And it won't be hard. i eat a lot of times things i don't even want to eat. I just can't have any snacks. I have to limit myself to not eat seconds.
I don't need it. Just drink a lot of water and fruits.

I'm going to start. Tomorrow. THIS IS FOR REALS!!!!!!!!!! AND IF I DON"T I SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED AND LOOK BACK AT THIS. and GET WITH THE PROGRAM

Seriously, i can't let myself get lazy. I have to do something about it. IT isn't good.
I need to get back to how i was. I need to get back to the startttttt physically. not

the indescribable is the most beautiful

some things aren't meant to be explained
some things can't be explained

like art. that's why i could never work in an art museum. even though i probably would be good at it, it would go against my view. and that's not what i'm about. i can't share facts about art , because facts and art don't mix
it ruins the beauty. The beauty of art, is why it exists. And the beauty is that you can think whatever you want to think about any piece you wish to think about, and the possibilities are endless. It let's you dream a little.

blue monday

I don't know why i feel this about you. I don't know how i can. It's crazy to feel something so out of the blue, out of the nowhere, out of the cloudy confused sky out from deep in. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I've just been here for too long, maybe i just need some love. But why him? out of all people
I never felt anything towards him from the beginning. Why would this weird feeling hit me at such an unpredictable time. Maybe it does mean something.
I've always known who i would fall in love with or like; maybe because i've made myself fall in love. With the person who i wanted to see. So it was predictable. I made him up in my head, I dreamed him. And i kept grasping on to the notion that it was him who i was falling in love with in real life.

And maybe it's no different here. But if it's no different why does it feel different. Why can't i stop it?
I need to try and stop it. Try to test it. If i only could talk to you.. only find a way to try and spend time with you
BUt im shy. I wish i weren't. i wish i could find the exact words to say something to you
Maybe you're shy too. Maybe you're scared to say something to me too.
WHY AM I SHY THOUGH???????????????? gahhasljf this is frustrating me. especially because i'm not supposed to be this shy anymore. i'm supposed to be over that a long time ago.
in fact i was probably supposed to be over all this a long long time ago.
I guess i'm still a kid. And i'm thankful for it. But sometime i wish i could cut some of these parts out.
Even though this feeling (whatever it is) feels really nice and warm and everything i want to feel, it's going to pop soon
whether i like it or not. either that or drift away.. But i'd rather have it end in a pop
and the pop will probably be me realizing that he definately did not deserve close to any of all those daydreams or real dreams i had of him
or with me realizing that he is actually quite cute, but that we'll never be more than friends
I need the pop to happen soon though, because i Feel i'm wasting away time in a very sillly way
thinking about someone who probably isn't thinking about me
I don't really know what i want now. That's part of the problem.

Maybe i just want to get to know you.
There are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how.

do you realize, we're floating in space

i don't know what this is
it feels like a familiar feeling. a comfortable one.
but maybe it's dangerous and i can't sense it yet
but right now it feels fine, and feels like i've been in this pit before
ive been here before
it never really ends well, but its nice while it lasts
i dont know

we really never know anything for certain
only of what we feel in the moment
and that's the only time when we're truly living

so why should i ruin it with thinking.
why should i think about it. i'll just let it be. and let it out when i have the opportunity
when the time's right

but in the meantime almost the only thing on my mind is him
i want to expresss all of this music all the butterflies all the expanding happy stomache sinking feeling with him
i want him to know, without words

what a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you

graaaaaaaalj; it's so unexpected. i never thought i would feel this for someone like this
im scared that what i saw in him, was someone else.
and if it wasn't, then i want to get to know him more
pleaseeeeeeeeee i really need to

are you not the slightest bit confused, just the truth

i found myself in wonderland

fake tans make my head hurt. no sratch that, fake anything makes my head head hurt.. i feel like i'm in a dream and can't wake up. i'm so tired of it all. my brain's exhausted.. i wish we lived in a world with almost no fear.. my jumbled up thoughts are becoming more jumbled up by the moment, i feel like there's no use speaking., it won't change. so i'll remain silent.. and melt .. and watch life go by as lifeless as it possibly can be. i don't know if i can remain following the casual normal lifestyle any longer, not when i've seen the something else, not when i know there's more than what i'm seeing
not when i have felt things i've never thought i would
it's not in the pages for me. but i'm too naive to be confident, therefore being too shy to take a stand, not to mention too young to do anything completely on my own, and too small to make a difference.
If i believed in myself more, i could do anything.
but i don't, so this is where i'm stuck. in time, in this place that remains unreal, with me as the only one seemingly lost and bewildered, except no one can see. no one can notice, but me.

i feel like maybe i've sucked up all the feelings in part of the world by accident. i'm about to burst, when can i give some back to all of you unemotional people..or people who just live for just one feeling, the feeling of excitement and that's it.

we don't appreciate the present time properly. we don't do all that we want to do. we cut ourselves short.
i say we, because i mean me, along with most of everyone else in this world.

too many feelings for such a tiny girl.. i don't know if i can handle it all. i feel priviledged but at the same time, i don't think i'm the right one

the past is more interesting than the present, let's make the present more interesting than the past.

i think sometimes being in sad mood is beneficial. so that we can see and feel something different than what we've been used to. so that we don't get too lazy and comfortable with one thing.
because life's not all about fun. life's not all about the obvious. it's about seeing and finding your own treasures, that aren't treasures to anyone else.
the little things.
i think the little things will always be the answer to everything.