Sunday, January 31, 2010

you can't have a cake and eat it too

i'm starting to get it right. little bit by little bit.
I don't have much patience, but that doesn't mean i can't gain more.
i gotta give it timee, give it a try.

i'm starting to get back there again. i can't just start, i gotta get there all the way. i need to. I need to get back there
i know it'll be lilac and pastel by the end
and i won't want to ever let that go. but by the end you always have to let something go.
and it's usually the something you just got, that you never had, and always wanted.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

late thoughts for the brain, are like prunes for the stomach

I should be going to bed. i should i should.
i don't want to. the anticipation of day, and the lengthing of the night, is like a brink of life to what's beyond that. It's exciting, its a little tiring, but its clear. And amongst all the tired muscles in your face, tired bones in your body, you're mind is awake. It seems like all your thoughts that have been stirring inside, can finally come out where it belongs. no more hiding. It's here, it's now, its pure, its what we're made of.
It's the truth. And it feels good. I don't wanna leave this state. Not just yet. i don't wanna go to bed

"Because i see sunlight in your eyes"
sometimes as i hear some tune, i feel a little choke in my throat, as if im holding back tears of some kind, not of grief, but some new sort of wonderful emotion. happiness mixed in with bits and tidbits of enlightment and surprise. maybe it is love.
and then the memory follows, as quick as my body reacted, as quick as that little drum beat, that little melody that you feel you know so well comes into play
but what if the same thing occurs but with a tune i have never heard before? and what if the memory never comes? its strange, but yet i find myself still smiling, tears rolling down my cheeks, swamped in my own over sensitivity, possibly. but maybe its something beyond sensitivity. it's something that's meant to be, that will make me see, something i had not seen before
one day i'll understand

for now its beautiful , and i dont want the rush to ever leave